The Puzzle of Purpose

As yet another year slips from the pages of present into eternal history, this morning of December 30 2021, I sat down introspecting and retrospecting into my loosely bound scattered chain of thoughts about the "Purpose of Being"

It feels like just yesterday when I had recited my self composed poem “The Old man aged 99”…

That was the last day of a millennium. The only last day of a millennium that I was to witness in this life.

There have been many last days of an year since then … but I never wrote a poem again.

I did compose a line or two in my mind while gazing at the sky or while gazing at the dancing fumes over my cup of tea. But I never cared to write them down. I wish I did … I d love to share them with you …

My days have been always at war between the desire to think and the need to note them down. The more time I had to think, the more I felt I evolved. And The more time I dedicated to pen them down, the lesser I thought. And the innumerable thoughts that were lost in transit in the passage between contemplation and reproduction , always kept me feeling lost.

Today as I sit in my balcony rocking on my swing, everything suddenly seems poetic again , the broken twig lying leisurely in one corner, the spilt over soil from the flower pots, the flower pots covered in dust , the leaning temple tree that grows out of the ashes of my fur child Sunny watching me, the 3 half painted wooden boxes, the drying can of paint, an almost dried up and hardened paint brush, a bottle of untouched turpentine, my half finished breakfast plate and the cup of almost cold tea , the birds that fly by , the relentless cooing and grunting sound of the pigeon pair that brood at one corner of our balcony… everything seemed to be orchestrating a perfect choir . The choir of yet another year gone by…

Me and my kitten Google by my side, sit quietly sniffing the slightly wintery air and appreciating the beauty of things as is. Somehow, today all that seemed imperfect so far started seeming perfect with their incompleteness , with their imperfections, with their asymmetry.

The adjoining half barren land that once used to cradle tall eucalyptus trees, that which caused my heart bleed every morning seeing the patches of burnt sienna overpower the lush viridian green, suddenly seemed to be in sync with destiny. It is a part of the grand plot …

All that pain was not out of rhythm ! Pain makes the composition worthwhile after all. As Dr. Strange says (Spiderman):

“In the grand calculus of the multiverse, their sacrifice means infinitely more than their lives”

Today, life started seeming like watching the scene from the balcony sunrise to sunset and darkness. Birds fly by, occasional chirping, distant noise and rest filled with the beautiful sound of silence whispering one word …”Purpose” . Slowly the whisper grew and echoed all around the walls of consciousness …”Purpose” with persistent falling intonation of question.

Why do I learn ?

Why do I think?

Why should I grow ?

Why should I express ?

Why the pursuit of evolution ?

Is the purpose of all this only to grow and outgrow myself ?

What really makes me grow ?

And as I sip from my yet another cup of fresh, hot tea with fumes dancing in the wind, I realise that the purpose of a cup of tea is not for it to enjoy itself. Its purpose is for it to radiate the essence and aroma to refresh, uplift and enlighten another soul while it is still steaming.

The purpose of the Sun and the zillions of astral bodies is to radiate energy into the cosmos to support life. The purpose of that Diclofenac pain gel in the tube is not for it to alleviate its own pain, rather for it to relieve the pain of another soul before the imprinted expiry date on its crimp , that is invisible to the tube itself.

We too have an expiry date , that we are blissfully oblivious to. The count of 365 days to make a year is for us to be aware that our we are in a countdown in our finite share in infinite time. Time to count our blessings, account for our contributions, time to introspect and a deeply retrospect. Time to 'radiate' more than 'attract'.

And today , I pledge to share with you my thoughts , my realisations, because everything and everyone in this cosmos plays a role in singing the symphony that cradles my realisations, the birds that chirp by, the wind that whiffs, the leaves that dance at a distance…everything has a fair share of contribution in the making of a realisation. Because the soul cannot grow when the heart, the brain , the lungs and everything else doesn’t grow! The soul only grows when the Self grows beyond the boundaries of the skin and extends to the boundaries of the universe.

As the wheels of time continue to spin its rusted disks and levers, weaving threads of moments into the colourful fabric called life, I rediscover my purpose of sharing my thoughts through expressions in colours and alphabets.

Your's always,